


subconsciously into you

by unspoken_code



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coma, Completely Inaccurate Medical Stuff, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Love, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Romance, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 05:25:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14206041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unspoken_code/pseuds/unspoken_code
Summary: Dean falls into a coma, and the only way to save him is for Cas to enter him as a vessel to restore health. There, he meets Dean's subconscious, who gives some very interesting information.





	subconsciously into you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Trying my hand at a little Destiel, so we’ll see how it goes.   
> I’m changing some things so that the story works. First of all, I’m kinda stealing the whole Ezekiel/Gadreel helping Sam heal thing and applying it elsewhere. Second, let’s pretend that the angel blade can be used the way I say it can be used, okay? I was trying to figure out ways to get around these things and I just couldn’t, and then it occurred to me that this is fanfiction so it should be okay. Thanks for your cooperation.

CHAPTER 1  
Dean’s in the car with Sam in the passenger seat and Cas in the back when the crash happens. It’s not even a normal car crash; the car the barrels into them is driven by an angel. When the initial impact happens, Dean is immediately knocked out by the airbag and Sam is dazed for a few moments, but Cas is able to move, so he climbs carefully out of the overturned car. For a second, he surveys the damage done to his “Pimp Mobile.” It’s “totaled,” as Dean would say. The windows are mostly shattered, the roof is dented beyond repair, and the body of the car looks like it was squeezed by a giant. 

As soon as Cas manages to escape the smoking wreckage, he tries to pull Dean and Sam out of the car. However, it becomes clear that if he attempts to retrieve them, they may not survive the journey. Instead he turns to the worn-out minivan that utterly destroyed Cas’ car and searches for the driver. Meanwhile, a crowd is forming around the remains of the Pimp Mobile. People are yelling for an ambulance and Sam is weakly trying to crawl out of the car, but Cas only sees the glimmer of the person sitting behind the steering wheel of the minivan, completely unharmed. But then he notices that it isn’t an person. It’s an angel that he used to know in Heaven, Raguel. Cas squints against the sun as Raguel climbs out of the car.

“Brother!” Raguel calls. Cas notices that he has an angel blade in his hand.

“Raguel,” Cas says, more than a little wary. He isn’t sure what Raguel wants, though clearly it isn’t beneficial. In his peripheral vision he sees Sam standing amidst a group of pedestrians who are trying to help him, but Sam is only focusing on Dean’s trapped, unconscious form still in the car. “Why did you hit us?”

“We need to talk about the Winchesters, Castiel,” Raguel replies. 

“What do you mean?”

“Your… relationship with them. Especially the angry one. It is not only unhealthy, but also unbecoming of an angel. I have stayed out of your affairs for a long time, Castiel, but I feel that this cannot go on any longer. I have decided to remove you from this situation for the good of yourself and of Heaven.”

“I will not leave the Winchesters, Raguel,” Cas responds, his gravelly voice becoming darker and angrier. 

Raguel looks truly regretful, and it reminds Cas of when they were fledglings together, without a care in the world. 

“I had hoped that it would not have to come to this, but it seems that there is no choice.” With that, Raguel charges and thrusts the angel blade towards Cas. Luckily, he dodges quickly enough to avoid being stabbed, but that luck doesn’t last very long. Raguel recovers and waves his blade in an arc, which slices Cas’ shoulder cleanly. He falls to his knees and clutches his shoulder. Sam, who had until then been trying to take Dean from the car, runs over to Cas.

“Wh- what happened? Why are you- is that your grace?” Sam gasps. He points shakily to the silvery substance seeping out of Cas’ wound. Cas grimaces, unable to answer, so Raguel responds for him.

“His dependency on you and your brother is detrimental to Heaven as a whole. Therefore, I have no choice but to expel him from the angel community by reducing his grace to a minute amount. If Castiel refuses to leave you, then he must face the consequences. Good luck, brother,” Raguel says before disappearing. Sam curses before turning his attention back to Dean. The last thing Cas sees before passing out is red and blue lights flashing as he’s dragged off of the road.

oOo

Pain lances through Cas’ shoulder as he tries to sit up in the backseat of the Impala. He feels incredibly weak and exhausted, though not dead, which he counts as a positive. Looking out the window, he sees what looks to be a hospital. Cas finally manages to get in an upright position so he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cellular phone to contact Sam. He is alone in the car, presumably because Sam knew that Cas’ injuries were not the kind that could be healed by mortal hospitals.

“Cas.” Sam answers on the first ring.

“What name are you using for Dean?” Cas asks.

“Eddie Johnson. Come quick. He’s not doing so well.”

Cas hangs up. The thought of Dean in pain… it shakes him to the core. He steels himself before he gets out of the car and walks toward the entrance to the hospital. 

oOo

Sam’s face is grim when Cas enters. Cas can tell why immediately. Dean is still unconscious and by the looks of it, close to death. Scratches criss-cross his face and bruises are on every exposed bit of skin on his body. 

“What did the doctor say?” Cas asks, vainly hoping for a good answer. 

Sam frowns even further, which Cas didn’t even think was possible.

“He’s in critical condition. Severe concussion, about a million broken bones, and internal bleeding. They say he’s in a coma, unlikely to wake up. It’s so bad, Cas, you have no idea.”

In an effort to prevent Sam from exploding of anger and grief, Cas refrains from telling Sam that he already has an idea of the severity of the situation because Sam just told him. Instead he turns to Dean to study his aura. It’s notably dimmer than normal, which is worrying.

“Is there anything you can do?” Sam is clearly desperate.

Cas takes a deep breath and winces when his shoulder hurts. 

“I cannot do anything to help Dean until I can restore my grace to its full capacity. And that’s impossible when my vessel is not in good condition. The only thing I could do… well. It is not preferable for anyone involved.”

“Cas, what is it? It’s probably still better than anything we have,” Sam says. 

“I could enter his vessel and retreat into the depths of his mind until both he and I are restored to health. However, I do need his consent for this to work. It would be inconvenient at best for both Dean and I, but it would help us immensely,” Cas tells him. 

“Do it. Whatever it takes,” Sam replies stoically. Cas nods, but is hesitant. If he goes through with this, all of Dean’s memories, thoughts, and dreams would be able to be accessed by him. He is sure that Dean would not appreciate that. 

“If he wakes up, find out, and decides that he does not want me in his head, I will be expelled and we may both suffer for it,” Cas says. Sam shakes his head in dismissal.

“I don’t care, I’ll explain it to him before he has time to expel you, okay?”

Cas sighs. It’s certainly risky, but for Dean? Anything.

“Are you absolutely sure?”

“Yes,” Sam says resolutely.

Cas walks to Dean’s bedside and grasps his hand tightly. He closes his eyes and focuses all of his remaining energy to one point.

Dean.

 

CHAPTER 2  
Cas can see everything. Dean’s everything, and it’s alarming at first, until he settles into a shadowy corner of Dean’s mind and begins to process everything. 

As an angel who has taken vessels previously, Cas knows how human minds work. Every person has a different mindscape of places they’ve been before and are familiar with, whether the places have a good or bad feeling about it. Of course, the mind is not always active, and often it isn’t, but when it is, personifications of a person’s characteristics show up. In Dean’s case, his mind isn’t currently dreaming or active- most likely due to the extensively deep state of coma he’s in. His mindscape isn’t fully formed either, so Cas knows that as soon as Dean becomes active, he’ll have to move to avoid Dean knowing his presence. To heal him, he’ll have to connect with Dean’s subconscious, which is always active. Despite himself Cas is actually curious as to what the physical manifestation of Dean’s subconscious will be- a person? Perhaps Sam, maybe Bobby? Possibly his mother, but even more likely his father. The subconscious represents both the conscience and the deepest emotions and feelings of a person, Cas knows, and he also knows that though Dean doesn’t care to show it, he cares about many people to a great extent. 

Although Cas wants to rest, he decides to find the subconscious in Dean’s blurry mindscape. Since it isn’t fully formed, he can’t tell what it is yet- but that does mean that any personification of a subconscious will be easily visible. He wanders through Dean’s mind for what feels like hours before he sees it. Dean’s subconscious, his inner voice, his guide, the deepest, most important piece of his mind.

It’s him. Castiel.

Well, his vessel, anyway, or at least it looks that way from behind. Trenchcoat and all.

Cas is very confused. It doesn’t make sense, that this is Dean’s subconscious. In fact, Cas wouldn’t believe it if it weren’t for the very distinct sheen around him that indicated what he was. Cas doesn’t even have to time to figure out what this means, because he has to focus on saving Dean first. Luckily, Cas is able to take a form inside a human’s mind, so he shifts into his usual vessel’s form.

Dean’s subconscious doesn’t see him at first. 

“Are you…. Dean’s subconscious?” Cas asks. His voice is hoarse from disuse.

The figure turns around and Cas can see that is it indeed a carbon copy of his vessel, straight down to the crow’s feet around his eyes. 

“Yes,” Dean-Cas answers. He certainly looks a little worse for the wear, Cas thinks. Then again, who would expect different? Dean is not in good shape.

“I need to connect with you in order to save Dean from death,” Cas says gravely. 

Dean-Cas wears a smirk quite similar to Dean’s own.

“That’s a great idea. But first, as Dean’s subconscious, I think we need to talk.”

oOo

Dean-Cas leads Cas to a woody clearing, far in the depths of Dean’s mind. A small part of Cas registers that this means that Dean is starting to become active, despite the grievous injuries, so he becomes more nervous.

“I know a lot about you, Castiel. Since I’m always active, I’m always watching, and boy, have you given me interesting things to watch,” Dean-Cas tells him. Cas looks around awkwardly, pretending that he doesn’t have any idea what Dean-Cas is talking about. Which, of course, he does. It’s hard for Cas to hide his regular emotions, let alone his more… intense ones.

“Of course,” Dean-Cas continues, “I know you aren’t quite ready to admit it. But I see the little things. The constant undressing of Dean with your eyes, for one. There’s also the frequent violation of personal space that just happens ‘accidentally,’ because you ‘don’t know how to interact properly with humans’.” Dean-Cas uses air-quotes sarcastically. “And I haven’t even mentioned the more intangible things- the sacrifices you make for him, the way you always answer his prayers… I could go on.”

Cas nods reluctantly. Dean-Cas smiles.

“Good to see that you know where I’m coming from. Well, the fact is that you like Dean. Very much. And lucky for you, he doesn’t realize this. Well- I say that, but clearly I know. Dean doesn’t really pay attention to me. Anyway, I have insider information for you to aid you in your quest to conquer Dean’s heart.”

Without meaning to, Cas leans forward when Dean-Cas beckons him.

“Dean likes you.”

“Wh- I- he- what?”

“I said,” Dean-Cas replies, “Dean Winchester has the hots for you. As the representative of Dean’s innermost desires, I suggest you take advantage of that fact. He, of course, still won’t admit that he loves you. I mean, he’s come to terms with the fact that he loves you in a familial way, but he hasn’t come to terms with his obvious romantic attraction toward you.”

Cas can’t really breathe. Not that he needs to, but it it would probably help him cope with the staggeringly electric feelings coursing through him. Dean… loves him? He didn’t know it was possible to have one’s emotions so joyously swell until he could physically feel the happiness. 

“Really?”

Dean-Cas’ smirk grows ever wider at Cas’ trepidation.

“Really. Just look at the form that his deepest desires took. Now, I’m not saying you should go up and kiss him once you leave his head. He would not appreciate that. But you could get him to confront his feelings somehow. Perhaps you can find a way to turn this unexpected turn of events into a gateway for him to open up to you. I think that you and him would make an awesome couple.”

Cas processes that. His knee is bouncing up and down, which reminds him of what he has to do.

“We need to connect now, before it’s too late,” Cas says. Dean-Cas nods.

“Ah, yeah. Good idea.”

“Take my hand and I’ll transfer what’s left of my grace to you. Then you can allow me to heal here while Dean heals.”

They join hands and Cas focuses his energy on their junction. Soon enough, a thread of silvery grace twines around Dean-Cas’ hand and a black one around Cas’. 

“Now that that’s over with, I think you’ll have to find a new hiding place. Dean’s waking up and this is spot is mine,” Dean-Cas says. “See you later, Castiel.”

oOo

Sam is sitting in one of those chairs with padding that should be comfortable, but really isn’t when Dean wakes up. Suddenly, his heart rate spikes and drops quicker than before. It’s great news, but Sam is now occupied with the task of hiding Cas’ vessel from the hospital staff.

oOo

Soon Cas manages to settle into a darker, less-visited section of Dean’s mind. The odd thing about it is that from anywhere in the mind, though it’s multi-dimensional and abstract, one can see what is happening to the person currently. It’s lucky that he chose the place he chose because he can see the area around him when he wakes, and Dean is not there. Not surprisingly, this section of Dean’s mind is formed to look like his childhood home. Or at least that’s what Cas thinks it is- he’s never been there before. Standing in the front yard Cas can tell that this is definitely the centerpiece of Dean’s mindscape. If Cas is lucky, the representation of Dean in his mind won’t be hanging around and won’t find him lurking there. Cas really needs to stay long enough to heal Dean at least to the point where he won’t die from his injuries. Hopefully Cas can stay long enough for Dean’s bone tissue to begin to weave itself back together and for Dean’s internal wounds to heal to a place where Dean can be capable of protecting himself if need be. That’s really the main goal in all of this; if Dean can’t protect himself, then every person around him is at risk. 

Not that Cas is really occupied with anyone beyond Dean. Yes, a part of him is worried about Sam, but he can’t help but focus mainly on Dean. Dean’s subconscious was right about his feelings for Dean. They are a stark contrast from Cas’ total lack of emotions from only years ago. But Cas has a duty now, to both the Winchesters, and he has to focus on laying low until Dean gets better. 

So Cas climbs the slightly rickety steps of Dean’s childhood house and almost lifts his hand to knock on the door, as he long ago learned was customary in the human world, but then it occurs to him that the entire vision he sees is not real. He tries to twist the doorknob, but it’s locked. Cas is not amused by the obvious parallel to Dean’s reticence with emotions.

He decides to sit crouched down on the floor of the porch because there’s a tarp for firewood covering the fence surrounding it and Cas can’t be seen from the outside. There really isn’t anything much to do besides watch what’s happening outside of Dean’s mind. Cas recalls the time when he was left alone all night on a damp highway in order to let Dean rest.

I’ll just wait here then.

 

 

 

CHAPTER 3  
For days Cas crouches there. Dean is still confined to his hospital bed, so not much happens as he occasionally peeks through a rip in the tarp to check. Cas’ knees become stiff with disuse, but he isn’t in too much pain. He drifts in and out of restless sleep and loses track of the time because he is weakened from helping Dean. Eventually, though, he hears his name and he is brought to the front of Dean’s mind as Dean is sent back to unconsciousness. It is undeniably odd to go back to having a vessel, and Cas blinks a few times before he gets his bearings. Still in a hospital room, though in a different wing now that Dean has stabilized. Sam is worriedly hovering above Cas, so Cas chooses to speak to alleviate Sam’s apprehension. 

“Sam. I assume Dean is well enough for me to leave?” Cas asks in Dean’s gravelly baritone. Sam nods. He has dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and Cas can tell from his frankly disgusting smell and rumpled flannel that he hasn’t left the hospital. 

Prodded by Sam’s agreement, Cas quickly sends Dean into rest and burrows into his mind to find Dean’s subconscious. Dean-Cas is right where Cas left him, in the forest clearing. He grins when Cas approaches.

“I figured I would see you soon, Castiel. Come on, let’s do this,” Dean-Cas says. Cas obliges, firmly holding his replica’s hand until the twining ribbons of mist retreat into their respective owners. 

Cas is about to leave when Dean-Cas puts a hand on Cas’ shoulder. 

“Don’t forget what I said earlier. And remember to take it slow.” 

Cas nods hesitantly and tries to wrap his brain around the advice. How would he even accomplish the beginnings of a romantic relationship with Dean? It seems like an insurmountable goal. But he has to get back now, no time to think about his Dean-centric issues, so he attempts a smile and leaves Dean’s mind. Then he summons the healed energy inside of him and escapes Dean’s mind with a whoosh.

oOo

Dean is about to wake up when Cas returns to his vessel. Sam has dragged Jimmy Novak’s former body from wherever he hid it (Cas has honestly no idea where Sam managed to stuff Jimmy’s six-foot tall body without hospital staff noticing its presence) and Cas, with a little difficulty, eases into the vessel. It’s a nice feeling to be settled into his usual vessel, quite like putting on a pair of well-worn, warm pair of winter boots. 

Slowly, he opens his eyes and blinks the crust out of them. Again Cas finds Sam to be next to him with a desperate look in his eyes. Sitting up, Cas realizes that while he was out, Sam must have stitched together the wound from Raguel on the vessel’s shoulder. With what, Cas has no idea. He knows that the Winchesters have ample experience with dealing with wounds, but it’s still surprising to see such neat, tight stitches. Cas stretches a bit and then stands. Sam follows.

“Dean should be waking soon. I healed him enough so that he won’t have to stay here for long, but he will have to be careful so as not to injure himself.” Cas’ eyes are fixed on Dean, but then he glances as Sam and is reminded of Sam’s quickly deteriorating appearance. “You should clean yourself up and get some rest. I’ll stay with Dean.”

Sam looks like he’s about to protest, but Cas silences him with a serious look. Instead, Sam nods, grabs his jacket, then ducks out of the room to get to the relative comfort of the Impala. 

Alone, Cas pulls up the chair Sam had vacated and just looks at Dean. He doesn’t get to do this often- Dean has reminded him all too many times that staring is “creepy” and not altogether acceptable in human society. But how is he supposed to abstain, when Dean’s features are so compelling? The jade green eyes, now closed, hold wisdom and mirth and experience and sadness and strength and it’s next to impossible to look away from them when Dean is awake. Cas prefers it when Dean is happy, but even the frown lines that mark Dean’s forehead are as beautiful as the smile lines at the corners of Dean’s lips. Dean’s lips. Something instinctive, almost, attracts Cas to look at them. When Dean talks, Cas is mesmerized. Cas knows that the basis of human attraction is the symmetry of facial features, but he couldn’t help but think that even if Dean’s features were lopsided or crooked they would still be beautiful. 

At this thought, Cas comes to the realization that Dean’s subconscious was far too right. 

Cas has definitely fallen for Dean Winchester. (Which is an issue, because it is further proof- as if it were needed- that Cas has finally crossed the border into a mortal mindset that is both unfamiliar and terrifying to him.)

oOo

Dean wakes up quickly. Too quickly, because Cas needs more time to think about his feelings and what to do with them. How can he face Dean with his emotions filling his head and threatening to burst? Dean opens his eyes- oh, no his lashes are too long for Cas to handle- and inhales sharply when he notices Cas hovering above him. 

“H-hey, Cas,” he says hoarsely. “What’d I miss?”

Beside me coming to terms with my feelings for you?

“Not much,” Cas replies. 

“Good,” Dean says. He breaks eye contact with Cas and looks around the room. “Where’s Sam? Is he okay?”

“He’s recuperating. You were asleep for a long time.”

“Huh. Doesn’t feel like it, for some reason. Sorta feels like I’ve been awake the whole time, y’know?” Dean says, furrowing his brow. Cas is sorely tempted to touch his forehead to make that wrinkle disappear. “It’s weird. My mind feels completely awake. Like I’m trying to remember something important.” Dean clears his throat. 

“That tends to happen,” Cas says in a voice more gravelly than usual. “You were in a coma, so your mind was fairly active. It may feel like you’re trying to recall a dream you had.”  
Please recall that dream. Please come to terms with your subconscious.

“Hmm,” Dean says. He shifts so that he’s sitting up. “Well, there’s no time for that. I feel like I’ve been run over.” Cas nods in understanding. He, too, felt immense pain at being hurt. But somehow, Dean’s complete dismissal of a possible discovery of feelings for Cas make Cas hurt worse than Raguel’s blade did. 

“Yes, the van that hit the car was forceful,” Cas said, only a tiny bit morosely. Dean seemed to pick up on this change of mood. 

“Thank you, Cas,” Dean says gruffly.

Cas frowns. “For what?”

“For… being there,” Dean replies. They make eye contact and something immutably special happens. Cas feels a smile begin to form on his face- maybe there’s hope.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 2016, I think? I was really into Supernatural and I'm not so much anymore, but I gave this an end and thought I'd post it anyway. I hope you enjoyed my shitty hell-year spn fic and please check out my other stuff.  
> Also visit me on tumblr @nobodysbuttmonkey!


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